Last night I was terrified… scared to death… extremely fearful! You asked, “Why?” Well, I will tell you…
MY FIRST 5K was this MORNING!
I have been a “closet” runner for years now… our whole family have been… what I mean is that we run in OUR neighborhood, or in OUR house on the treadmill… I don’t even like running when my neighbors are awake and can see me! Always have had a self conciseness about how I may look when I run… others passing me up… others thinking I am too slow… or don’t know what I am doing… oh the list could go on and on…I am that messed up sometimes!
So, We decided last December to run a half-marathon this coming December… I realized that for me to run 13 miles with people, I needed to conquer this fear…
GREAT! Signed up for the race 3 weeks ago! Pumped! Day before…not so pumped. Wanted to eat chocolate and cry… in that order. My worst fears became; coming in last in the race… afraid I would embarrass my family… afraid of everyone looking at me having pity on the “poor lady who thought she could do this”… went to bed and did NOT sleep well… too nervous… woke up at 5 and God got ALL in my business!
Humility… oh how I long for this! I knew it boiled down to pride…but was FINALLY able to deal with that and became very excited instead of nervous!
We had such an awesome 20 minutes of prayer together before we left… I cannot even begin to tell you all God is doing in this family as He pulls us closer to Him and each other.
When we started the race, I felt something which I can only describe like a glimpse of what heaven may feel like… around 100 people…all one focus…the finish line. My body was energized by the excitement of the other runners… my spirit was immediately on a different plane…
About half way though the run, Abbie, my running partner, asked if she could run ahead… (translated, “Mom, you are too slow.”) I gave her permission and watched her fly… what a mom moment… It was then I became even more acutely aware of my surroundings… the people, the trees, the birds, the songs playing in my ears…
God spoke a scripture to my heart… so sweet… Hebrews 12 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”
“Run with perseverance”…. why? “We are surrounded”
See, Deanna, you cannot be a closet runner in this race… and win. You cannot be a closet runner in this race… and have joy. You cannot be a closet runner in this race… and experience the encouragement of others.
Such a profound truth… simple? Yes. but for me…profound.
I am no longer scared to run with others… no longer fearful of being last… no longer…fear and pride have been crucified and I am free!